A Pure Gift

“Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners....and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.” (Romans 3:23-24, The Message)

See

See what no one else sees...
See what everyone else chooses not to see...out of fear and conformity and laziness...
See the whole world anew each day...
(A line from the movie “Patch Adams”)

“Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Conjugating Verbs

Evelyn Underhill has said, "We mostly spend [our] lives conjugating 3 verbs: to want, to have, and to do." Surely our greatest need is simply to be, like Mary dwelling in the presence of God.

(Bruce Demarest, Soul Guide, Downers Grove, IL: NavPress, 2003, p. 95)

When I Look into My Heart...

I just returned from Santa Barbara where I received my certificate as a spiritual director. It was an amazing experience. One of our lessons was on using poetry as prayer. Our teacher gave us one line to get us started and then gave us about 10 minutes to write whatever came to mind. Afterward, many people read their poems aloud. It was amazing how everyone's poem was completely unique and truly poetic (even though most of us would not have called ourselves poets).

If you'd like to try it just take the title of this blog entry "When I Look into My Heart" and see what flows from within you. It can be very enlightening. I share my poem with you below.

When I look into my heart
I see a deep chasm of longing
I try to fill it with people, ideas, possessions
But it only grows wider and deeper

This chasm cannot be filled with things temporal
It can only be satiated by things eternal
You, my Lord, my God, my King
You alone fill and satisfy the chasm of longing
That is…my heart

What is Spiritual Direction?

I am getting ready to go to Santa Barbara to complete my certification as a Spiritual Director. I'll be finishing my year of formation and study with a 2-week intensive from July 25 to August 8. I thought it might be helpful to share some quotes and references about spiritual direction that might help describe what it is. I've come across a fair share of people who aren't familiar with spiritual direction although, lately, spiritual formation, direction and soul care are popping up as buzzwords in Evangelical circles.

Spiritual Direction has been around since at least the 4th century AD, with people seeking out the "desert fathers and mothers" of the time for spiritual guidance. It is by no means a new thing, however, it is being "rediscovered" by the evangelical church.

Bruce Demarest, in his book entitled Soul Guide, looks at the life of Jesus as spiritual director. In Chapter 5, "Soul Care Through the Centuries," Demarest shows evidence of spiritual direction from the early church (desert fathers/mothers) through to modern times. The bulk of the book takes Jesus' contact with people in the gospels and shows how He ministers soul care to individuals.

Two other books can also help bring understanding to what spiritual direction is. I have placed quotes below from Sacred Companions by David Benner, as well as Holy Listening by Margaret Guenther. There is, of course, more to the subject than is referenced here, but it is a start and a taste.

"Spiritual direction is a prayer process in which a person seeking help in cultivating a deeper personal relationship with God meets with another for prayer and conversation that is focused on increasing awareness of God in the midst of life experiences and facilitating surrender to God's will." (David Benner, Sacred Companions, Downer's Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2002, p. 94)

"The director's task is to help connect the individual's story to the story [God's pursuit of us through Jesus Christ] and thereby help the directee to recognize and claim identity in Christ, discern the action of the Holy Spirit." (Margaret Guenther, Holy Listening, Boston, MA: Cowley Publications, 1992, p. 32).

"In some ways, the art of spiritual direction lies in our uncovering the obvious in our lives and in realizing that everyday events are the means by which God tries to reach us." (Guenther, p. ix).

"Spiritual directors [as opposed to counselors] make their empathic focus not primarily the other person but the Spirit. This means that the spiritual director's goal is not primarily to understand how the person seeking direction feels. Nor is it to enter the person's experience and see the world as he or she does. Rather, it is to help the person come more closely in touch with the Spirit of God….the empathic focus of the director is not primarily the other person but the Spirit of God." (Benner, p. 93)

I Don't Care if I Die!

A few weeks ago we were camping in Malibu. I was climbing some rocks with my sons and I gave my eight-year-old some kind of mom-warning. It was something about being careful to not fall. I think moms are just wired to warn of impending danger. My son responded in a way that surprised me and has actually sent me off into some thought about how I live my life. He said, "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!" This is actually how my youngest son lives his life. He is a "go for it" kind of guy.

When I first heard him say this, of course, I chuckled. But then I was immediately drawn to prayer. "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!" Lord, do I live like this with You? I've taken steps on the path to dying to myself, and I want to continue to do this with verve! I want to enjoy more of the adventure with You. Will I continue to die to myself on this journey of life here on earth? In the long run I will be gaining real life! I join my son in his exclamation of joy, "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!"

Mark 8:34-36 - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

The Reality of What Is

"We don't live in our bodies, where we can feel our own feelings and trust or own experience. Instead, through commercials and advertisements and jingles we live in images and appearances. We let the media and passing material objects define success. The self, therefore, is always outside, and we live in constant dissatisfaction. What a tortured way to live! We suffer, quite frankly, from a lack of contact with reality; we lack what philosophers call ontological mooring. Contemplation provides that mooring, that contact; it is an appreciation of and response to what is real right here and now.

Until we break the material world's hold on us and reestablish contact with reality, we will never be happy. We will live our lives through these beautiful models that we can't live up to, with their perfect bodies, trim waistlines, even teeth, and zit-free faces! What a terrible tragedy that people should be seduced into imitating and desiring what we are not and can never be."

(Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs, New York: Crossroad Publishing Company, 1999, 2003, p. 70-71)

Preoccupation with Performing

"In recent years I have become more and more aware of my own tendency to think that the value of my presence depends on what I say or do. And yet it is becoming clearer to me every day that this preoccupation with performing in fact prevents me from letting God speak through me in any way he wants, and so keeps me from making connections prior to any special word or deed." (Henri Nouwen, The Living Reminder, New York: Seabury Press, 1977, p. 30)

Wedding Anniversary

I just wanted to announce that tomorrow, May 25, 2006, I will have been married for 21 years! My marriage is the same age I was when I got married. Isn't that crazy? God has blessed me with a wonderful man who is a great complement to me. We always joke that, put together, we make a pretty cool person. It has been quite a journey together these last 23 years (including the dating years).

David Wilcox's song, "Good Together" pretty much sums it up. Here's to you, honey…

Soft and sweet, strong and salty
Cool cream and hot coffee
When we come together there's a change
I know you're good for me
You change me like the weather
You change me for the better
We're good together

Drift and dream, drive with direction
Exploration, introspection
No one way to win through this game
I know you're good for me
You spin me off my tether
You change me for the better
We're good together

Would you please explain it one more time
I love the wild surprise of seeing through your eyes

One from Mars, one from Venus
A whole world between us
Sparks that bridge the difference
Feed the flame
I know you're good for me
You spin me off my tether
You change me for the better
We're good together

Abstract...

I was looking through the jacket of David Wilcox's new CD "Out Beyond Ideas." The pages are full of abstract art. I have only recently come to appreciate the abstract. I used to see it as just a bunch of shapes and colors with no meaning. I preferred art that spelled it out for me…understandable landscapes and portraits.

I am not saying that I am completely throwing out my appreciation for "pedestrian" art (as my artist friend calls it). However, at this point, in my journey - shape, light, color, symbolism and mystery all make more sense to me.

Pat answers and everything laid out all nicely and in order just seem lifeless and unhelpful. There is, of course, an order to the universe, but there is also a kind of random beauty all around us. Is there not beauty in the jagged edge of a mountain peak, the white ruffled curve of a wave breaking onto the shore, the random way that branches and leaves grow on a tree?

It can be tempting to look to God for explanations and answers alone. It is harder to be open to the mystery of His complete and utter holiness. His vastness precludes me from completely wrapping my mind around all of who He is. This might be a point of frustration to some - but for me - I find a kind of comfort in accepting His largeness…His mystery. I can just get swallowed up in His vast expanse…there is peace in my being so small.

(Note: I highly recommend David Wilcox music. He is a troubador for our time - see davidwilcox.com. The artwork above is by Najwa Al-amin and can be found on the CD sleeve of David Wilcox's CD "Out Beyond Ideas."

Your Love is Extravagant

I just love this song. It is by Casting Crowns on their CD called "Casting Crowns." Some people complain about "love songs to Jesus." I used to agree. This is one of the songs that changed my mind. The words and music draw my heart to His and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Enjoy...

YOUR LOVE IS EXTRAVAGANT

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known
You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known;
You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Remember...

I know that Easter is over, but I don't really want to move on quite yet. I watched the movie The Passion of the Christ the night before Easter. I watched it with my husband, my sister-in-law and my 13-year-old son. It is a difficult movie to watch, however, my sister-in-law and I agreed that we had never been more ready for Resurrection Sunday.

The chosen sacrifice and utter willingness for Jesus to lay down His life for me is something from which I never want to move on. There is an image in the film of Jesus literally crawling to get onto the cross so they can nail Him on. He was being consistently mocked, "If you are the Christ, come down and save Yourself!" Yet He stayed and completed His task of ensuring my entrance into Heaven.

I encourage you to linger with Easter a little while longer...say...a lifetime. Remember what He did and live your life out of that place of love.

The Wisteria is Blooming

A few weeks ago I shared a picture of my wisteria vine and my longings for Spring. As you can see in the picture above, the leaves are out and the blossoms are in full force.

I was thinking about the relative speed with which the leaves and blossoms sprouted...once it was time. When winter is truly over, nature takes its course. For those of us in Winter seasons in our souls, the waiting can be unbearable. Blossoms and green leaves can seem very far away, even impossible. But God is the God of the seasons and Spring does follow Winter. My wisteria vine proves that Spring does come. So...hang in there.

For me, this year feels like a great blossoming after an extremely long winter. I know that it has not been long for God, but to me, it has seemed endless at times. I am grateful to come out of the dormancy and to sprout a few leaves and even some flowers.

For those of us in Spring seasons in our souls, enjoy the new birth and beauty of this time. It is truly a gift from God, our generous Father.

James 1:17-18 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Where is Your Ladder Leaning?

"There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say or do are worth thinking, saying, or doing. We simply go along with the many "musts" and "oughts" that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord." (Nouwen, Henri, The Way of the Heart, Harper & Row, San Francisco, 1981, p. 21)

I have spent the last few years trying to discern which parts of me and my life are truly from the Lord and not just things I have picked up along the way and labeled "Christian." I think it is critical to stop every so often and ask the hard questions. I may be working really hard to climb up the ladder of life, but am I sure it is leaning against the right wall?

In the Sanctuary...

I just love this picture. I "borrowed" it from the website of my friend, Paul Kiler (see his link to the right "Artis-Divina").

For some reason it really strikes me. I see that girl as me...wearing my sweats...doing the day-to-day stuff...and trying be in the sanctuary at the same time. I don't know what she is reading, probably the bible, searching for the Word of God. The sacrifice of Christ is clearly displayed above her head.

The picture just resonated down inside me somewhere. Do you see yourself here too?