The Holiness of Peanut Butter & Jelly

We recently attended a church service where we did two things that I have never done before. Well, actually, I have done both of these things before many times, just never at the same time.

We were worshipping God through song. Then, in between one song and another, we were encouraged to go to the sides of the room where there were tables set up. On one of the tables, there were handi-wipes (very important), loaves of bread, and bowls with peanut butter and jelly in them. We were asked to make a sandwich and take it to the other table which had the brown bag, chips, cookies and juice boxes. These sack lunches would be delivered to the Orange County Rescue Mission for those who needed meals.

Silly as it may sound, I actually felt the presence of God while making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I was almost brought to tears. We were given the tools to help someone in a very simple way and we acted on it right there, while in the midst of worship. My heart began to go out to whomever might eat the sandwich and I prayed for them. The worship music continued in the background and as I returned to my seat I continued to pray for people that I didn’t even know.

It was truly a unique worship experience. It was a holy moment where the profoundly simple met the profoundly eternal.

Prayer of St. Bonaventura

A prayer of St. Bonaventura:

O Lord, Holy Father, show us what kind of man it is who it hanging, for our sakes, on the cross, whose suffering causes the rocks, themselves, to crack and crumble with compassion, whose death brings the dead back to life.

Let my heart crack and crumble at the sight of Him. Let my soul break apart with compassion for His suffering. Let it be shattered with grief at my sins for which He dies. And finally, let it be softened with devoted love for Him.

Blossom

“Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anais Nin)

Live Out Your God-Created Identity

Matthew 5 (The Message)

“When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives His best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good, the bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

At first, I went down the usual line with this passage. Bless those who curse, etc. I do want to use my energies to pray rather than to respond in anger. It says that if I pray instead of react “I am working out my true self.” I want to be who I really am when I am alone and especially when I am with others.

Father, help me to pray instead of react.

Then while I was in the bathroom straightening my hair another stream of thinking took place. I could hear and feel the swarm that goes on in my mind and heart at times. That overwhelming feeling of anxiety and movement toward some nebulous next thing.

I wanted to take a deep breath and be in the moment, receiving “the sacrament of the present moment.” I heard God say, “I love you, right now, in this moment.”

My backtalk took off. I really don’t believe He loves me when I am doing nothing or even when I am doing something—whether that something is good or bad. I am constantly striving to reach that place of being/doing the “right” thing. The thing that brings peace/satisfaction/joy. There is this nebulous “next thing” that I am pushing toward.

I must choose to believe that I am loved even if I am not doing all the things I “should” or if I am doing the things I “shouldn’t.” I don’t think I will be free of this anxiety until I can realize more deeply that You love me in every moment no matter what I am doing or how I am acting.

Today, I will acknowledge when I become aware of that anxiety and I will counter it by reminding my self that I am loved in that moment. I will take a deep breath and experience the grace of that moment.

Father, will you please calm the racing inside of me as I learn to believe Your love. I am sorry that I spurn Your love. You sent Your Son and still I can’t enter into it. But that will change. I am going to “respond with the energies of prayer, for then I am working out my true self.”

Listening Well

Listening well is becoming a precious commodity. Have you noticed the speed with which people interact? Picture yourself at the grocery checkout line. There is friendly banter, of course, but you must be rushed along so that the person behind you doesn’t get agitated. What about the fast food drive-thru? More quick talking and moving so that you can get in, out and gone. If you are a parent, do you find yourself hurrying your children along so that you can get to the next thing or just get done with whatever is next on the to-do list?

When was the last time you had a leisurely conversation? Do you find yourself talking fast, and cutting people short so that you and/or they can get on with whatever you/they were doing?

I have been finding lately that many people don’t have someone who just simply listens to them. This might be a wonderful gift to give each other.

In The Contemplative Pastor, Eugene Peterson speaks about listening. He is referring to pastoral listening in this quote, but I think it translates to any one of us who is willing to take the time to give the gift of an unhurried listening ear.

“....listening requires unhurried leisure, even if it’s only for five minutes. Leisure is a quality of spirit, not a quantity of time. Only in that ambience of leisure do persons know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with dignity and importance. Speaking to people does not have the same personal intensity as listening to them. The question I put to myself is not “How may people have you spoken to about Christ this week?” but “How many people have you listened to in Christ this week?” The number of persons listened to must necessarily be less than the number spoken to. Listening to a story always takes more time than delivering a message, so I must discard my compulsion to count, to compile the statistics that will justify my existence.
I can’t listen if I’m busy. When my schedule is crowded, I’m not free to listen. I have to keep my next appointment; I have to get to the next meeting. But if I provide margins to my day there is ample time to listen.” (Eugene Peterson, The Contemplative Pastor, Eerdmans Publishing: Grand Rapids, MI, 1993, p. 21-22)

A Pure Gift

“Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners....and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.” (Romans 3:23-24, The Message)

See

See what no one else sees...
See what everyone else chooses not to see...out of fear and conformity and laziness...
See the whole world anew each day...
(A line from the movie “Patch Adams”)

“Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Conjugating Verbs

Evelyn Underhill has said, "We mostly spend [our] lives conjugating 3 verbs: to want, to have, and to do." Surely our greatest need is simply to be, like Mary dwelling in the presence of God.

(Bruce Demarest, Soul Guide, Downers Grove, IL: NavPress, 2003, p. 95)

When I Look into My Heart...

I just returned from Santa Barbara where I received my certificate as a spiritual director. It was an amazing experience. One of our lessons was on using poetry as prayer. Our teacher gave us one line to get us started and then gave us about 10 minutes to write whatever came to mind. Afterward, many people read their poems aloud. It was amazing how everyone's poem was completely unique and truly poetic (even though most of us would not have called ourselves poets).

If you'd like to try it just take the title of this blog entry "When I Look into My Heart" and see what flows from within you. It can be very enlightening. I share my poem with you below.

When I look into my heart
I see a deep chasm of longing
I try to fill it with people, ideas, possessions
But it only grows wider and deeper

This chasm cannot be filled with things temporal
It can only be satiated by things eternal
You, my Lord, my God, my King
You alone fill and satisfy the chasm of longing
That is…my heart

What is Spiritual Direction?

I am getting ready to go to Santa Barbara to complete my certification as a Spiritual Director. I'll be finishing my year of formation and study with a 2-week intensive from July 25 to August 8. I thought it might be helpful to share some quotes and references about spiritual direction that might help describe what it is. I've come across a fair share of people who aren't familiar with spiritual direction although, lately, spiritual formation, direction and soul care are popping up as buzzwords in Evangelical circles.

Spiritual Direction has been around since at least the 4th century AD, with people seeking out the "desert fathers and mothers" of the time for spiritual guidance. It is by no means a new thing, however, it is being "rediscovered" by the evangelical church.

Bruce Demarest, in his book entitled Soul Guide, looks at the life of Jesus as spiritual director. In Chapter 5, "Soul Care Through the Centuries," Demarest shows evidence of spiritual direction from the early church (desert fathers/mothers) through to modern times. The bulk of the book takes Jesus' contact with people in the gospels and shows how He ministers soul care to individuals.

Two other books can also help bring understanding to what spiritual direction is. I have placed quotes below from Sacred Companions by David Benner, as well as Holy Listening by Margaret Guenther. There is, of course, more to the subject than is referenced here, but it is a start and a taste.

"Spiritual direction is a prayer process in which a person seeking help in cultivating a deeper personal relationship with God meets with another for prayer and conversation that is focused on increasing awareness of God in the midst of life experiences and facilitating surrender to God's will." (David Benner, Sacred Companions, Downer's Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2002, p. 94)

"The director's task is to help connect the individual's story to the story [God's pursuit of us through Jesus Christ] and thereby help the directee to recognize and claim identity in Christ, discern the action of the Holy Spirit." (Margaret Guenther, Holy Listening, Boston, MA: Cowley Publications, 1992, p. 32).

"In some ways, the art of spiritual direction lies in our uncovering the obvious in our lives and in realizing that everyday events are the means by which God tries to reach us." (Guenther, p. ix).

"Spiritual directors [as opposed to counselors] make their empathic focus not primarily the other person but the Spirit. This means that the spiritual director's goal is not primarily to understand how the person seeking direction feels. Nor is it to enter the person's experience and see the world as he or she does. Rather, it is to help the person come more closely in touch with the Spirit of God….the empathic focus of the director is not primarily the other person but the Spirit of God." (Benner, p. 93)

I Don't Care if I Die!

A few weeks ago we were camping in Malibu. I was climbing some rocks with my sons and I gave my eight-year-old some kind of mom-warning. It was something about being careful to not fall. I think moms are just wired to warn of impending danger. My son responded in a way that surprised me and has actually sent me off into some thought about how I live my life. He said, "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!" This is actually how my youngest son lives his life. He is a "go for it" kind of guy.

When I first heard him say this, of course, I chuckled. But then I was immediately drawn to prayer. "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!" Lord, do I live like this with You? I've taken steps on the path to dying to myself, and I want to continue to do this with verve! I want to enjoy more of the adventure with You. Will I continue to die to myself on this journey of life here on earth? In the long run I will be gaining real life! I join my son in his exclamation of joy, "I DON'T CARE IF I DIE, I JUST WANT TO GO ON THE ADVENTURE!"

Mark 8:34-36 - Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

The Reality of What Is

"We don't live in our bodies, where we can feel our own feelings and trust or own experience. Instead, through commercials and advertisements and jingles we live in images and appearances. We let the media and passing material objects define success. The self, therefore, is always outside, and we live in constant dissatisfaction. What a tortured way to live! We suffer, quite frankly, from a lack of contact with reality; we lack what philosophers call ontological mooring. Contemplation provides that mooring, that contact; it is an appreciation of and response to what is real right here and now.

Until we break the material world's hold on us and reestablish contact with reality, we will never be happy. We will live our lives through these beautiful models that we can't live up to, with their perfect bodies, trim waistlines, even teeth, and zit-free faces! What a terrible tragedy that people should be seduced into imitating and desiring what we are not and can never be."

(Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs, New York: Crossroad Publishing Company, 1999, 2003, p. 70-71)

Preoccupation with Performing

"In recent years I have become more and more aware of my own tendency to think that the value of my presence depends on what I say or do. And yet it is becoming clearer to me every day that this preoccupation with performing in fact prevents me from letting God speak through me in any way he wants, and so keeps me from making connections prior to any special word or deed." (Henri Nouwen, The Living Reminder, New York: Seabury Press, 1977, p. 30)

Wedding Anniversary

I just wanted to announce that tomorrow, May 25, 2006, I will have been married for 21 years! My marriage is the same age I was when I got married. Isn't that crazy? God has blessed me with a wonderful man who is a great complement to me. We always joke that, put together, we make a pretty cool person. It has been quite a journey together these last 23 years (including the dating years).

David Wilcox's song, "Good Together" pretty much sums it up. Here's to you, honey…

Soft and sweet, strong and salty
Cool cream and hot coffee
When we come together there's a change
I know you're good for me
You change me like the weather
You change me for the better
We're good together

Drift and dream, drive with direction
Exploration, introspection
No one way to win through this game
I know you're good for me
You spin me off my tether
You change me for the better
We're good together

Would you please explain it one more time
I love the wild surprise of seeing through your eyes

One from Mars, one from Venus
A whole world between us
Sparks that bridge the difference
Feed the flame
I know you're good for me
You spin me off my tether
You change me for the better
We're good together

Abstract...

I was looking through the jacket of David Wilcox's new CD "Out Beyond Ideas." The pages are full of abstract art. I have only recently come to appreciate the abstract. I used to see it as just a bunch of shapes and colors with no meaning. I preferred art that spelled it out for me…understandable landscapes and portraits.

I am not saying that I am completely throwing out my appreciation for "pedestrian" art (as my artist friend calls it). However, at this point, in my journey - shape, light, color, symbolism and mystery all make more sense to me.

Pat answers and everything laid out all nicely and in order just seem lifeless and unhelpful. There is, of course, an order to the universe, but there is also a kind of random beauty all around us. Is there not beauty in the jagged edge of a mountain peak, the white ruffled curve of a wave breaking onto the shore, the random way that branches and leaves grow on a tree?

It can be tempting to look to God for explanations and answers alone. It is harder to be open to the mystery of His complete and utter holiness. His vastness precludes me from completely wrapping my mind around all of who He is. This might be a point of frustration to some - but for me - I find a kind of comfort in accepting His largeness…His mystery. I can just get swallowed up in His vast expanse…there is peace in my being so small.

(Note: I highly recommend David Wilcox music. He is a troubador for our time - see davidwilcox.com. The artwork above is by Najwa Al-amin and can be found on the CD sleeve of David Wilcox's CD "Out Beyond Ideas."